Majikthise

Slate society columnist raves for Billionaires

Bryan Curtis loves Billionaires for Bush:

The hit of convention week so far has been a satiric group calling itself Billionaires for Bush. The group dresses like Mr. Peanut, with hideous formal suits and sailing outfits, and in their best faux-hauteur droll screams slogans like "Four more wars!" and "No justice, no problem!" They appeared on 34th Street surrounded by beautiful women in ball gowns, and pretty soon had everyone screaming "Four more wars!"

Mr. Curtis is too kind. Mwah! He even excoriates that tiresome band of street urchins known as United For Peace and Justice. Mr. Curtis can spot a class act. Billionaires: young and scintillating, UPJ: middle aged, goofy, normal people who accessorize with toddlers. Whose side are you on, America?

Not that of self-hating near billionaires, I trust:

After the turn on 5th Avenue, I found a group of reporters bunched outside a Maui Tacos restaurant ("The Mexican food with Mauitude!"). Michael Moore was said to be inside having his lunch, and a bodyguard was posted to the door. (Michael Moore has a bodyguard?) About 10 minutes later, a spokesman (Michael Moore has a spokesman?) emerged to say that Moore would be taking leave of the restaurant. "But he's not stoppin' and he's not talkin'," the spokesman said, and sure enough, Moore plowed out a side door and raced behind a police barricade before turning and giving the crowd the peace sign.

I guess we should let Mr. Curtis in on a little Billionaire secret: The merely wealthy hire tacky and conspicuous private security, but Billionaires sashay unencumbered. Why? Because we own the police.

Keep your SIM card

Public service announcement: If you return a cellular phone to Amazon, keep your SIM card.

I just had a strange conversation with Justin of the Amazon cellphone support team. I said that I sent my SIM card back with the phone. The Amazon rep who transferred me to Justin said that customers make this mistake constantly, thereby making a lot of extra work for Amazon employees.

I suggested to Justin that Amazon inform their customers of the need to keep their SIM cards He told me that Amazon chooses not to publicize this information on their website because they don't technically have a returns policy for cell phones.

For the record, Amazon's blanket returns policy seems to apply to cell phones:

Basic returns policy:

Within 30 days of delivery, you may return any of the following purchased from Amazon.com: books in their original condition; unopened CDs, cassette tapes, vinyl records, DVDs, VHS tapes, video games, or software; and any other merchandise in new condition with original packaging and accessories. [Emphasis added.]

Justin said that if I had phoned the returns department, I would have received "verbal instructions" to keep my SIM card. Unfortunately, I returned my cellphone the same way I ordered it--online. I should add that Amazon has quite an elaborate and well-designed online Return Center.

I don't understand the thinking behind the "no SIM info online" policy. Maybe Amazon is creating an excuse to refuse phone returns at its discretion without adopting an explicitly discretionary returns policy. Maybe people who don't send the cards back with the phones are told "sorry, no refund without all original materials." I can't think of any other reason why Amazon would deliberately withhold this rather important piece of information from their website. Any thoughts?

Straight out of Kafka

Imagine you are at home caring for your newborn when you hear a commotion. You look out to see 50 irate people gathered outside your home. Some carry giant gory placards. Some are snapping pictures of your property.

"Evil dwells here" the crowd roars.

At the time, you don't know that Father Frances McCloskey and Flip Benham snared you in a theocratic dragnet. Perhaps you've heard of them, though, they put on put on this little spectacle every year. They call it the "Oh, Saratoga" march. This year the group was trying to harass one of your neighbors, a physician who provides abortions through Planned Parenthood, but they got the address wrong.

"A murderer lives on your street," they shout, loudly enough to be heard blocks away. Then someone starts spewing homophobic slurs over the bullhorn.

As you may know, you have some very brave and forthright neighbors. Some of them go outside to exercise their First Amendment rights on your behalf. They are told by police to get back inside and quit "arguing" with the protesters.

As you probably heard over the bullhorn, the protesters claim to work for a deity known as "God". However, their Lord appears to be differently-omniscient about the suburban geography of Albany. Despite their similar nicknames, the Being worshiped by McCloskey and Burhnam has no no know ties to the "Awesome god" worshiped by some Americans in Red and Blue states.

Read the full story in the Albany Times Union, Abortion protesters target wrong house. This has been another good catch by Orcinus, who has been observing McCloskey and Benham for some time now.

[Via the fetus-loving, deity-doubting PZ Myers.]

Unreconstructed Benthamite speaks out

The latest 527 Pleasure Boat Captains For Truth. See the ad. Know the truth.

A hedonic American tells his story:

When George W. Bush talks about his past, he uses the words "reckless" and "irresponsible." He claims that in 1986, after half a lifetime of hard drink and easy women, he finally sobered up-- and he wants us to believe he'll never revert to his hard-partying ways.
But the captains who piloted his pleasure craft during those "wild" years, as well as his fellow pleasure craft revelers, see him in a very different light.
Pleasure Boat Captains for Truth has been formed to counter the deliberate misrepresentation of George W. Bush's drinking record.   We seek to portray him as he was, and still is: a "lightweight."

[Hat tip to Thad. Image via NewYorkish]

We few, we happy few: Billionaires for Bush

Intimate glimpses of lifestyles of the rich and famous! Click to enlarge this exclusive footage of the Dynastic Duo at their Fifth Estate:

A debutante prepares to step out

Matt E. Riel, media baron

Levitra DeShill, objective spokesman for billionaire rights

Thad and I defected to the illiberal cultural elite by joining Billionaires for Bush. We know which side our brioche is buttered on.

Today denizens of America's upper upper crust celebrated the arrival of the RNC. Festivities began on the Great Lawn of Central Park with gruntled and civilly obedient game of croquet. Yours truly won an embassadorship in a friendly wager!

After briefing our media attaches, our august company marched decorously downtown to express our gratitude to President Bush for his ceaseless efforts on behalf of Billionaire Americans.

A good time was had by all.

Slide Show: Croquet on the Great Lawn and Million Billionaire March

Johnny Cash & Lamar Alexander

Can't sleep. Neocons will eat me.

Row over 'political' Cash tribute [BBC]

Lamar Alexander's odd eulogy for Johnny Cash; Major theme: appalling lack of academic criticism of country music lyrics in American Universities [senate.gov]

Sotheby's Cash Catalogue

Cash Discography

Bloggers choose their favorite Johnny Cash lyrics

Man in Black [Scott of Lawyers Guns and Money]

Ballad of Ira Hayes [Vague Nihilism]

Don't Take Your Guns to Town [Majikthise]

The One on the Left is on the Right (The Man in Black had a good sense of humor.) [Majikthise]

Saluting Women on Waves

Women on Waves is a remarkable humanitarian organization dedicated to women's reproductive rights.

Women on Waves is based on a ship registered in the Netherlands. The vessel is staffed by a physicians, nurses and other volunteers. WoW operates in non-territorial waters to provide the following services on a non-profit basis:

Information about and provision of contraceptives
Information about and provision of emergency contraceptives
Pregnancy testing
Non-directive pregnancy counseling, aimed at making an optimal informed personal decision
Medical abortions if your period is 16 days too late
Counselling on sexually transmitted diseases

Find out how to support their work.

Live lizards and veggies

Illinois Psychic Arrested on Theft Charges [SDSD]

Great catch by Pagan Prattle Online:

United States: A woman described as a Gypsy has been arrested by California police. She is alleged to have scammed an Illinois woman out of $80,000. She has previous convictions for theft, and was on the run from prison.
Demetro is accused of befriending a mother and daughter in McHenry, Ill., who used her services because they were down on their luck and overweight, Gaylor said.
Police say she convinced the older woman that her luck would change if she cleansed her life savings of $80,000. The woman withdrew the money, all in $100 bills, and gave it to Demetro, police said.

During a seance involving vegetables and live lizards, the cash was wrapped into a white handkerchief, Gaylor said. [Read more at PPO]

[Via Tom of bbCity]

The Ethical Werewolf

I just discovered Neil Sinhababu's blog The Ethical Werewolf. Neil appears to be a philosophy grad student at the University of Texas. His entertaining weblog covers philosophy and current events. Check it out.

Attention ETS

Chris Lightfoot's Estimation Quiz is the most worthwhile online quiz I've ever taken. The task is to make educated guesses about obscure magnitudes and quantities. For example, the test might ask you to estimate the number of goldfish in Sweden, or the year of Mohammed's birth, etc. This sort of test ought to appeal to Quineans because you have to draw on your entire web of belief in order to answer the more obscure questions. (If you know the weight of a Ford Explorer, then how many Ford Explorers would it take to equal one helicopter....)

I bombed the test, scoring only 34%. Chris Bertram got 39%, and Dan Drezner got 40%.