She interrupted: "I'm not doing that. I'm doing Baseball. Bats are obvious phallic symbols. The balls clearly represent sperm, which comes from the 'balls' of men. The gloves are symbolic vaginas, which accept and then reject the sperm. The gloves are worn on the hands, indicating masturbation fantasies. It's all very male, and has to do with discourses initiated in an attempt to exclude the feminine other by appropriating the methods and means of reproductive symbolism."
The Prince of Crunk wishes to shake your hand
One major problem with the music of white people is that they’re so goddamned stilted, shy, and uncomfortable. Even songs that are seen as sexually blatant and audacious generally skirt the issue and speak with little frankness about anything. For example, a white person would be hard-pressed to write a song about the true power of testicles. Even songs that you hope are about testicles, such as “Great Balls of Fire,” turn out to be about basically nothing at all. Lil Scrappy, however, isn’t afraid of the magnificent power of balls. “I got big balls and bullets like baseballs,” he brags; “straight nuts to your face, put your pistols away.” Bullets, being like baseballs, are represented as useless and unwieldy; his balls, however, have the power to make peace with his enemies. Once they have seen his testicles, they will have no choice but to relinquish their firearms. This is not a homosexual thing at all: notice that he specifies that these are straight nuts. These nuts are not meant to be sexually menacing, but rather to be seen as peaceful nuts which soothe tensions and dismiss the need for weaponry. After the testicles have been shown, his former enemies are now free to “get crunk in the club”; “You can walk on by with your nuts in a tuck,” he says, “and I’ll be obliged if you really want to get crunk.” The spirit of peace, crunk, and testicles prevails once more. Do you think those stuffy white Washington fat-cats who send us off to war for power and money could possibly understand the significance of a man disarming another man with his testicles? I doubt it. That is why they’ll never experience the joy of getting crunk in the club.
[Via Something Awful.]