I can rent penguins?

I love penguins. I was so excited when I heard that Southwest Airlines does penguin flights. Apparently, Southwest even lets passengers play with the penguins, although this might be a privilege reserved for clergy.

Unfortunately, they only fly to Seaworld. I wish they would do penguin flights from New York to Vancouver. [Edit: A reader informs me that Southwest is no longer doing penguin tours.]

Luckily, according to this link from alicublog, I can rent my own goddamned penguins, just like P Diddy:

The animal rights zealots are apoplectic that six petrified-looking penguins were placed on a floating plexiglass platform in the pool at the opening of the Hotel Victor last Friday night. Several partygoers told PAGE SIX that the cold-weather birds were huddled in the corner of their platform the whole night, fearful of slipping down a slide into the pool's balmy waters." [NY Post]

It sounds like P Diddy was kind of a jerk to the penguins. Probably he thinks that just because penguin is rented it's an excuse not to treat it right. I promise that I'll be much more sensitive to my rental penguins' needs. I'll fill the bathtub with plenty of party ice and buy extra herring for shooters.

Comments

[Lee Brimmicombe-Wood]

I'm as partial to penguins as the next person. They are bizarre and charming-looking creatures. But play with them? Ho, no. I've been to the penguin house at London Zoo. They smell something chronic. Ever smelt penguin poo? You'll wish you hadn't.

[jonathan]

Hmmm... Perhaps a Penguin Party at the Wollman Rink? Perfect.

[Jeff Keezel]

Strange - there are warm water penguins - they hang out off the coast of Africa. We have them at a small zoo here in central Virginia. They have an outdoor habitat and they're out all summer, swimming and having fun...thekeez

[roger]

There was an eccentric Galveston millionaire (one of his eccentricities was allegedly hiring a guy to assassinate George Wallace -- this got him in trouble) named Shearn Moody who supposedly had a penguin fetish, and stocked a pool (which he could get to by way of a water slide from his bedroom) with the critters. He was also famous for his orgies, and for being one of those rightwing texas millionaires whose name ended up in Jack Ruby's address book. I'm not sure how the penguins fit into his lifestyle as orgiast, however.

[The Heretik]

Of course penguins can be rented here in America. Just so long as they are not like those gay penguins over in that zoo in Germany. Actually, those gay German penguins might be allowed to be rented here in America if they were lesbian penguins. (Pause. Take a Righteous Breath). Lipstick lesbian penquins.

[rob loftis]

They've got gay penguins in New York City too, but, you know, NYC might as well be France as far as the rest of the US is concerned.

I want a waterslide from my bedroom to a pool full of penguins. Orgies would be nice too, but I bet I'd have an easier time selling the water slide to my wife.

[davit]

P Diddy can be punished by downloading pirated versions of his records. He hates that.

[Uncle Kvetch]

WWOD?

What Would Opus Do?

[John Emerson]

Penguins are wads of muscle with beaks like snapping turtles, and are short-tempered if you annoy them. A friend of mine had to draw blood from sick penguins and it was not easy. (They were dying of a fungus infection which she helped diagnose).

[Larry Ayers]

Where else would I read about renting penguins! I wouldn't mind renting any of a number of interesting birds or beasts, just to have the opportunity to observe them at my leisure.

Penguins have a special significance to Linux users. Linus Torvald was once attacked by an angry penguin and the incident led to the adoption of the bird as a symbol of the OS.

[chris waigl]

Well, you could always install Linux, I'm sure. Try a Knoppix or Ubuntu live CD ...

[Dc]

Being a Linux user (Mepis v2004.06 is nice), I thought it would be neat to own one of these animals, but a few web searches revealed them to be a really expensive undertaking. However, I did run across a pretty cool webcam site that shows several species in captivity: http://www.penguin.net.nz/viewing/webcams.html

[p.lukasiak]

I don't think that gay penguins would cause a problem, but lesbian penguins would have a really tough time getting their picture in their high school yearbook nowadays...

[Njorl]

"Intercourse the penguin!"

[Shawn]

Hi, Im a very big penguin fan, and i was wondering if i would be able to rent a penguin?? Lol, ive wanted a penguin my whole life and i wondering if they were able to be rented.. please get back to me.. thanks

Shawn

parti_boi81@hotmail.com

[Pick up a penguin, and shoot it.]

Penguins are rats with wings, the coldwater version of the pigeon.

Penguin problems include :

a)they don't taste like chicken
b)they scheme and plot
c)they're arrogant - emporer penguin? who made you king?
d)the women make the men sit in the pissing cold resting their jewels on a flipping egg all bloody winter

not everything in black and white makes sense.

[Morgan]

So, can you rent penguins for a day? I can't find anything on the web. I am getting married soon and I have always wanted penguins in my wedding. e-mail me back with any info you have please. Thanks

[ashley]

i love penguins! how did you get to see them? touch them?

[Cristy]

My fiance' loves penguins and wants to rent one for a day... how can i find where i can do this... i have tried everything cant find anything...

[revenantive]

Anatole France wrote a great book named The Penguin Island...

One of the best novels I have ever had the privilege of reading.

The Penguin Island is a must read for any penguin collector or enthusiast.

[victoria samantha]

hello,
we have cute peguins for adoption at very affordable prices if interested mail back for more information and pictures they are all vet check,health certified and are well trained mail back for mor infomation.
thanks

[emma]

i LOVE penguins but it hink it unfair for people to handle them because they are wild animals and should stay out in the wild. They are free and should stay that wa. im sorry, but thats just how it should be. its cruel to them even if you dont think so and it is sick when people are cruel to animals.

[KarenChii]

Yeah I like penguins, they are kewl. i want a penguin in my house so it can go pitter patter down the hardwood floors, that would be so cute.

[Trescilla]

I have to share this with you all. You are not going to believe what my niece Nicole, her husband Rick and my nephew Nolan got me for Christmas!!
Well, I love Penguins. I just think they are the coolest animals (no pun intended). I even spent a couple hours and a whole roll of film watching the little guys at the Zoo in Scotland.
Any way……………
They bought me an hour "with" the Penguins at the Mystic Aquarium.
Just like swimming with Dolphins, I will get to actually go into the penguin area and play with the Penguins!!!!!!!!!
I am soooooooooooo excited. I balled my eyes out when they gave me the gift!!!!!!!!
Is that not the coolest thing ever? use the link below to check it out. http://www.mysticaquarium.org/index.cgi/345

[danielle]

I love penguins in fact i went down and seen one and i could hold one.But what u did was awsome! Well got to go to bed. bye