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April 30, 2005

The sexual politics of meat

R.I. Police Say Man Offered Steak for Sex
R.I. Police Say Man Solicited Sex From an Undercover Officer by Offering Her a Steak

Apr. 29, 2005 - He didn't have any money. But police say that didn't stop Wayne Glaude, 22, from soliciting sex from an undercover officer Thursday night. Instead, police said, he offered steak.

Glaude, who works at a meat company, tried to strike a deal with the undercover officer, according to Detective Capt. Luke Gallant.

"He didn't have any money, and had a couple of nice T-bones sitting at home," Gallant said.

Glaude, of Woonsocket, was arrested and pleaded innocent Friday in Providence District Court to a count of soliciting from a motor vehicle. He was released on personal recognizance.

Gallant said Woonsocket police had never had a case like it.

"I can honestly say it's the first time," he said.


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Of course, the really funny thing in this story being the rather obvious allusion to the old saw about buying dinner for a woman on a date.

This would be a sad story if it wasn't so hilariously pathetic.

Sounds like a good deal to me...mmm, steak.

How can this be illegal?

Are you really not allowed to trade sex for anything?

I'm not just talking about the 'buy her dinner, get her in bed' stuff. Don't couples do this all the time?

Would it be illegal for a woman to offer her boyfriend a blowjob if he does the laundry or something?

It says he works at a meat company. Did he also steal these steaks from work?

The plot thickens. I hope he has a union to defend him!

Here's a general legal definition:

I hope the guy gets a good lawyer. "For hire" could certainly include more than money, but dinner seems to be a stretch. It'll depend on Rhode Island's statute, of course. I doubt it actually defines prostitution.

Then again, since the specific charge is "soliciting from a motor vehicle," it might not matter. The statute probably includes soliciting for "indecent acts" or something, which would likely prohibit even hitting on a person from your car.

Some schools of the evolutionary psychology crowd are going to be elated that they now have the smoking steak proof of their pet theory of the origins of the pair bond. The patriarchy begins with meat.

I can't wait 'til someone starts sucking cock to pay for gasoline.

This is somewhat unrelated, but the topic of Rhode Island prostitution laws dictates that I mention this...

The gyst is that Brown students were running/supplying the labor for a prostitution ring, and that their defenses hinged on the state's poor definitions of relevant terms. And the happy ending is that the man who made his name defending them is now the fine city's mayor. Hooray for Rhode Island.


starts??? I'm sure it's already happenned considering how much gas costs

I wonder what kind of steak it was....

Do you get a blowjob for roundsteak and full-on fucking for filet mignon?

You would think that with such a patently absurd situation there would be at least one funny comment.

Oh man, I really miss living in Rhode Island. The water cooler conversation was always so much more interesting there than anywhere else. (In addition to the current gay-Jewish-Italian mayor, where else would you find a modern-day mayor with his own spaghetti sauce who has ties to the mob and goes to jail on racketeering charges?)

I guess when he made the offer to the "prostitute" he didn't know what was at stake!

Was that corny? lol

rare or well done?

Who was that band, and did they ever last beyond my college career?

(Yes, I read Carol Adams, too. But your evil headline got that awful song playing in my head as mental hold music.)

Steve Brady--Hitting on someone from your car? Is it illegal to be a scrub now? (OK, that's his best friend's ride.)

Do you get a blowjob for roundsteak and full-on fucking for filet mignon?

oh lord, what do you get for a rump roast?

Dear me!

I think our Rhode Island role model offered T-bones. Silly bugger.

Did she ask, "where's the beef?"

Defense: You're honor, I move the charges be dismissed. My client was merely engaged in the modern fad of "speed dating".

DA: Objection, speed dating is merely a date, with all aspects of a date there in, condensed to a brief period of time. This was a simple exchange of goods for sex.

Defense: Not at all. My client offered to cook the meal.

DA: So it was an exchange of goods and services for sex, still prostitution.

Defense: My client also engaged the young lady in conversation.

DA: He shouted at her, "Hey shorty, you damn hot. Whad I gotta do to get into you?", and proceeded to the meat based negotiations.

Defense: I submit that in the parlance of our local meat packing workers, these words would be considered a complement on the young lady's appearance, small talk, if you will. If you examine the photos of how the detective was dressed, I believe it is safe to assume, she was at least fishing for complements that evening.

Judge: I find myself unswayed as yet.

Defense: My client also combed his hair and took a breath mint.

DA: His narcissistic obsession with his own hair and popping a Tic Tac do not make this speed dating.

Defense: It was no mere Tic Tac! It was one of these your honor.
(hands tin to judge)

Judge: Altoids?

Defense: Curiously Strong Peppermint Altoids.

Defendant: The Originally Famous Curiously Strong Peppermint Altoids...excuse me your honor.

(Judge sniffs)

Defense: Would a man waste such a fine mint on a mere prostitute?


Voice over: The Originally Famous Curiously Strong Peppermint Altoids...Is there nothing they ca't do?

Defendant: (eating an Altoid) Hey shorty, I still got those steaks, and I'll throw in a baked potato if ya let me video tape it.

Detective: Sour cream?

Defendant: You got it!

(all smile, and fade)

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