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September 28, 2005

America's least-helpful parenting advice

Speaking of permission slips:

Bill Albert, communications director for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, put the generational difference this way: "We used to talk about sex in terms of first base, second base and so on. Oral sex was maybe in the dugout." The news for parents, he said, is that they must broaden the discussions they have with their children about sex and be more specific. "If they want their teens to abstain from sex, they need to say exactly what they want their kids to abstain from." [WaPo]

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Comments

"Oral sex was maybe in the dugout."

What?

I'm glad a real baseball fan found this metaphor as incongruous as I do.

Oral sex is scoring from third on a sacrifice fly.

Maybe he saw the special director's edition of Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

"Dugout" reminds me of a decidedly nonfeminist Ice Cube song.

That's funny. From all the old movies I thought oral sex was under the bleachers. Or perhaps under the boardwalk.

And isn't the dugout where one hangs out before the game even starts? Maybe he meant in the locker-room...

My favorite twist on that analogy is still Meatloaf's suicide squeeze.

So, do English people use cricket metaphors for sex?

"And isn't the dugout where one hangs out before the game even starts? Maybe he meant in the locker-room..."

That's the clubhouse. The dugout is where you sit during the game when you aren't doing anything. The locker room is where you inject your pre-game steroids.

That's funny. From all the old movies I thought oral sex was under the bleachers. Or perhaps under the boardwalk.

And isn't the dugout where one hangs out before the game even starts? Maybe he meant in the locker-room...

sorry. didn't mean to double-post.

I see about the dugout...Though from when I played field-hockey in college, perhaps he should have said the team-shower (I assume the boys' shower-manners are worse).

America's least-helpful parenting advice

I dunno, Lindsay. I think Rev. Dobson's "Take your son into the shower with you and let him look at your weenie, so he won't turn out gay" still leads by a slight margin.

I was never clear what the bases were, with the obvious exception of what counted as a home run. Does anybody know?

Fellatio is a base on balls.

Not sure what cunnilingus would be....

Oh, traditional "bases," as I was taught them:

first base: kissing
second base: fondling above the waist [generally assumed to be fondling of the girl]
third base: fondling below the waist
home run: intercourse

So Lindsey's "oral sex is scoring from third on a sacrifice fly" actually fits the pattern pretty well.

Thanks, Janet. Loved the wardrobe malfunction.

"If they want their teens to abstain from sex, they need to say exactly what they want their kids to abstain from."

Am I the only one here who imagines this being along the lines of Gob's sexual harassment speech from Arrested Development? (In case you're wondering what that sounds like, here you go.)

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