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April 08, 2006

14 things to do if you have missed the Rapture

What do do if you have missed the rapture via Cynical-C.

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Wooooow! That is so creepy and strange that I am not capable of retrieving the words to describe it. I love all of the "communist agent" references, though. Do Daniel and Revelations mention communists, and I missed it? Oh well, better keep a close eye on the Rapture Index so that I know when to start digging my fallout shelter.

Perhaps I'm not as knowledgable as the bible thumpers, but isn't the Jesus described in the New Testament a bit of a communist?

If there is a God, and He is so insecure that He requires His creations to spend all their free time groveling in His honor, I want no part of Him.

I once had a religious pamphleteer in Herald Square hand me a slightly different set of instructions in case of Rapture. The first bullet point: "First, DON'T PANIC!" That has always cracked me up. There was also a hokey illustration of a barcode tattooed on some poor, unsuspecting guy's forehead.

Keep track of the following 7 years. The first three and a half years will not be too bad, but the last three and a half years will be so horrible that human vocabulary is insufficient to describe the events that will take place.

How long has Bush been president again?

I see these folks are from Bakersfield, CA. Anyone who has been there in summer has a very clear understanding of God's wrath.

So I can hedge my bets, and not worry about believing this religion crap until the rapture comes? I think I can truly convert and accept Jesus if this starts happening, but now this gives me even less (negative?) reason to eve consider religion until the end is here.

Many religions since tbe beginning of human existence have had some sort of apocalypse, and they are all wrong. That should be the most comforting thought of all when reading such fairy tales.

I'm not sure what the cross-readership is between majikthise and slacktivist (although I note that Fred Clark at slacktivist has lindsay's site on his relatively short blogroll), but Slacktivist's Fred Clark is apparently a politically progressive born-again evangelical Christian (yes, really), who for the past 2-1/2 years or so has been slowly and methodically fisking the novel "Left Behind" (the New York Times bestselling "novel of the earth's last days," which was also been made into a movie starring Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains). If you found the Lindsay's link above interesting and entertaining (in a deeply creepy and disturbing sort of way) and are interested in getting further insight into the minds of the shockingly large percentage of Americans who believe we're living in the End Times and that the rapture is nigh, I highly recommend checking out Fred's exegesis here: http://slacktivist.typepad.com/slacktivist/left_behind/index.html

Hilarious, he thinks we'll still have jobs and be concerned about losing them after the Rapture?

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