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November 16, 2006

Bonobo pulls fire alarm again

An bonobo chimpanzee pulled a fire alarm at an Iowa research facility for the second time in two months. The primate was reportedly upset that her keepers were too busy to let her out to play. [AP]


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And yet people still question how closely we are related.

And that is why I can't help but love animals: Mr. Bean style solutions to problems come to them naturally.

At this point, she's experimenting on her keepers.

So how come they have the keys to her playground instead of the other way around?

At least she wasn't doing anything immoral like sexing up another bonobo (male OR female) just for food. Why did God make such sinful creatures?! I go to the zoo every day and see them doing the same damn thing. For HOURS. Their pornographic behavior is almost mesmerizing, even more hypnotic than when I stare at the rainbow-butt monkeys. I can barely tear myself away. I have to give myself eye baths with holy water every night because of those obscene chimps.

Bonobos are DEFINITELY the most liberal primates. I'm so glad that humans are in no way related to them.

I always think of the bonobos and the chimps as being the little angel and the little devil perched on the shoulders of humanity. Violent sociopaths or benevolent perverts? It's your call, mankind!

I tried this on a job once, when I got dissatisfied with the length of our coffe breaks: the fire department came out, management made a big fuss, and in the end, they fired me! So, you think this "innocent little monkey" is going to face any consequences for what he did? Not very damned likely...

My favorite part of this story:

"Rumbaugh said she explained the danger of such mischief and Panbanisha promised not to do it again"

And then, of course, she did it again.

My Ersatz-daughter, my dog, does the following when I do not devote enough attention to her play:
1.) Eats the remotes;
2.) Chews the couch;
3.) Attacks the trash cans;
4.) Jumps up on me while I am sitting down, all 50 lbs. of her hitting me squarely with each of her forepaws over each of my shoulders;
5.) Chews my PC cables;
6.) Nibbles my legs, my mustache and beard and my sneaker laces; and
7.) Barks to high heaven in the back yard when I don't come out to play.

Thank G_d the S.O. just watches soaps ad infinitum when she's unhappy.

Of course, my perceptions of these events simply might be the intellectual sin of bonobomorphism.

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