Please visit the new home of Majikthise at

« Who killed the Iraq reconstruction audit? | Main | No non-disclosure forms in torture chambers »

November 03, 2006

Evangelical leader says he bought meth he didn't use from a prostitute he didn't fuck

TedEatingMoreCottonCandy, originally uploaded by darksandal.

Pastor Ted Haggard of Colorado Springs had to go all the way to Denver to buy meth from a male prostitute he wasn't having sex with:

Talking to reporters outside his house Friday, Haggard denied the sex allegations but said that he did buy meth from the man because he was curious.

"I bought it for myself but never used it," he said. "I was tempted, but I never used it." [ABC]

Sounds totally plausible.

211313185_807359c497The effects of meth and the Holy Spirit are easily confused--although, normally you don't have to call the Holy Spirit on your cell phone to arrange a delivery after the revival.


TrackBack URL for this entry:

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Evangelical leader says he bought meth he didn't use from a prostitute he didn't fuck:


sure is skinny
for a grown man
who likes his cotton candy

I know others have pointed this out elsewhere, but sheesh: The Hubby & I saw some footage of the guy the other night and he sent our 'dar all the way to 11. Way more than Mark Foley...and that's really saying something.

the line "I...never used it" strikes me as really astonishing. Apparently he repeatedly bought and threw away meth. From the prostitute who may or may not have once given him a (hotel-sanctioned) massage.

I am sort of torn on this. I always feel bad when someone I hadn't heard of the day before is disgraced/a national laughingstock within 24 hours. And I really hate the idea of outing people. But if ever there was a case for outing, of course, this is it, and it's really hard for me to feel sympathy for a guy who evidently was one of the bigger forces in political evangelism in the last decade.

On the other hand, it's really hard not to feel bad for the guy. It's got to be so incredibly hard to work that hard to repress homosexuality, and it's not at all surprising that it frequently results in some anti-gay crusaders.

Ugh. Just an ugly story, all around, and yet I find myself obsessed with it.

I don't believe him.

Gives new meaning to "speaking in tongues."

It was totally altruistic. He was buying the meth and throwing it away so that some meth addict wouldn't use it. And he was paying a gay prostitute not to have sex with him so that some other poor sinner wouldn't be having homosexual sex. Yeah, that's it. He was doing the Lord's work.

Maybe he just didn't inhale.

re: the headline. Are you just assuming that he's a top, or do you have actual details? An acquaintance of mine wants to know.

He categorically denied any sexual involvement, so it follows that he didn't fuck the hooker. "Have sex with" would be a more accurate paraphrase, but it has too many syllables for the headline.

I worried that I was being heteronormative in that particular copywriting decision, though...

I don't have any specific details.

Wade: that's an interesting bit of lingo I wasn't aware of. Is a bottom not fucking? We in the hetero community (or, at least, I; maybe I'm just naive) tend to think of it as a two-way street.

if you watch the vido, available at talkingpointsmemo, he pretty much admits that he made at least 18 calls to the guy to buy meth he wouldn't use. So...yeah. OK.

PR rule #1: don't give extended interviews from your driveway before really thinking through what your line of defense is going to be...

Best blog-post title ever! Good job.

Evangelical leader says he bought meth he didn't use from a prostitute he didn't fuck

Hehe, excellent.

When I lived in Denver I used to buy meth and prostitutes that I never used ALL the time. Obviously none of you are from Denver. It's a local custom. After meeting homosexuals at gay bars where we don't drink we leave with men whores we don't fuck to buy drugs we don't use. On Sundays in Fall we buy tickets to Broncos games we don't attend to watch a team that doesn't even exist. Oh yeah, it's true: The Denver Broncos football team is completely fake. Hey, if they can fake the moon landing they can surely fake a pro football team. Many Denver fans will even openly admit that they don't have a football team.

Is this making sense? If not, then mission accomplished.

I don't see the problem. I'm always buying meth that I'm not gonna use from prostitutes I don't fuck. His explanation seems totally reasonable to me. God Bless you.

How did he get the prostitutes number?

John Lucid,

I want to apologize: I hadn't read your excellent comment before I posted mine. Yours was done much better.

mudkitty: he says he asked a hotel to recommend a masseuse.

and presumably, in the course of the massage, the masseuse said "incidentally, if you're interested, I sell crystal meth.

perfectly obvious.

which raises another interesting question: why was he staying in a motel in his hometown?

I must admit I do it occasionally, to get away from irritating houseguests, but in any case it should prompt another fun story.

He smoked his pole, but he didn't inhale.

Behold, all ye that kindle a fire, that compass yourselves about with sparks; walk in the light of your fire, and in the sparks that ye have kindled. This shall ye have of mine hand; ye shall lie down in sorrow. [Isaiah 50:11]

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. [Galatians 6:7]

And all that . . .

I wonder if he called the prostitute 'Caesar', so that he could 'render unto' him.

"which raises another interesting question: why was he staying in a motel in his hometown?"

I think his hometown is actually Colorado Springs.

But the reason he goes to a Denver hotel is, supposedly, that he goes there to write his books.

Now, I've heard of authors going off to a secluded place to write. But I don't think Denver would be at the top of their lists. Surely Haggard has lots of wealthy friends who could loan him a remote mountain cabin or a ski resort condo in the off-season. Such places would be far more secluded, and conducive to writing and meditation. Not quite as convenient for quasi-anonymous NSA man-on-man hookups.

What's the gay scene like in Denver? Anyone know?

I wouldn't be surprised if other play pals come forward in the next few days or weeks.

Did anyone notice his wife is hot? Figures. The hot ones always go with the guys who don't want them. Anyway, why would he conduct an interview in a car with his wife next to him with such a ridiculous story? It's like he hadn't achieved enough self destruction already.

I just saw another picture of his wife. I take it all back.

And in what moral universe is buying meth less worse than
being a married man having gay sex?

The comments to this entry are closed.