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February 11, 2007

Man divorces wife for slipping him pumpkin instead of zucchini

Happy Halloween!, originally uploaded by AArchibald.

A man filed for divorce when learned that those "zucchini" pies his wife had been making him were actually made of pumpkin:

A Russian man immediately filed for divorce from his wife of 18 years after he discovered she had been making pies with pumpkins instead of zucchini.

"She knows I absolutely hate pumpkins and she lied to me for months," said Ivan Dimitrov, 47. "What else has she been lying about? What man could trust a woman who fed him pumpkins?" [NY Post]


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Zucchini pies are slightly greenish and pumpkin pies are traditionally orangy. What did she do- add green food colouring to trick him? What a buffoon and since he ate them, he obviously only hates pumpkins in theory and not fact.

Meanwhile, he was eating them and loving them. Well, I'm sure she's better off without him.

'Tis a dishonest scurvy sow that deceives her man in matters of fall vegetables. Arrrr.

Back in the 60's anyway when I lived in Germany, the Germans thought it amusing that Americans ate pumpkins which they considered just livestock, particularly, pig food.

I wonder if this is the culmination of a lot of other little tensions and aggravations in their marriage -- you know, a marriage suffering from a death of a thousand cuts, with pumpkins here, and leaving a gas tank 1/16th full there, and being late for work over there.

Because if not... what a jackass.

Late FROM work, I meant.

I might be spamming at this point, but I just wanted to say, regarding AArchibald's flickr photo -- at first I thought that the pumpkin stalk was a snake, slithering up. Maybe I subconsciously thought back to the story of Cleopatra committing suicide by having a snake bit her breast.

This is ridiculous on so many levels. Sounds like a couple with absolutely no respect left for each other, looking for any excuse to break up.

This story cracks me up because of the "hating in theory" vs. "hating in practice" distinction that Hawise mentioned. I have personal experience in this regard. DJA claims to hate squash in all its manifold instantiations, but he's crazy about pumpkin pie. For years, I've been pointing out to him that a) pumpkin is a squash, and b) most of the "pumpkin" in canned pumpkin is actually non-pumpkin squash (cf. "Cooks' Illustrated, IIRC). Never makes any difference. He still likes pumpkin pie, but suspects squash soup that's made with fresh versions of the same squashes that go into canned "pumpkin."

I shudder to think was zucchini pie would be like, that is, unless it was a quiche or a savory ratatouille-en-croute. A sweet zucchini pie with condensed milk and cinnamon sounds disgusting.

Ah, Julian, you see the invidious yin and yang of pumpkin and zucchini... The eternal psychodrama...

If I'm ever condemned to die and executed, the dessert to my last meal will be pumpkin chiffon pie. If that were the only way to get pumpkin chiffon pie, I’d consider murder.

Pumpkin is a squash?!? Holy jumpin' Jack Flash! This explains my mother's behaviour for the past (um) 30 or so years. Of all the desserts she makes, pumpkin pie is my 2nd favourite. But I hate squash, and she's always made a point of acting surprised when I say that and adding (while chuckling away to herself), "Oh, how could you not like squash?"*

*This anecdote should not be taken to mean that I live with my mother. I live a whole 48 minute's drive from her place.

Well, things are certainly worst in some other areas for women yet. In Iran, some women are still stoned to death for adultery allegations. In the Palestinian Authority area, some women can only get their "honor back" by becoming a suicide bomber if they are a rape victim. And female genitial mutilation is still practiced in some African continent states.

Women's positions in some societies just isn't very good at all compared to the western world.

When my father retired from academia, he reverted to the farmer of his youth. His garden has grown exponentially and his favorite crop is assorted squashes, summer and winter. My mother has learned numerous ways to cook squash though pumpkin pie remains the lead contender as they freeze.
She makes a killer zucchini cake and we have all taken to adding pureed and grated squash to sauces to thicken them.
My father cannot grow a small squash- on average they are twice to three sizes larger than the packet says they will be. Thank God he is out of his Hubbard growing stage and we had to give up on spaghetti squash because they wouldn't fit into anything.
Even his dog had to learn to eat squash and by the way, when frozen they make a terrific dog chew toy.

I think this is an extroidanary productive design. they are spectacularily presented and i am very intrigued.

Just yesterday a friend sent me a fairy tale pumpkin story.
The witch tells Cinderella be home by mid night or her vagina will be engorged with a pumpkin. She arrives home at five AM in excellent spirits and health.
And? says the witch.
Prince Peter is so devine coos Cinderella.

This example of the distinction between hating in theory and hating in practice makes me wonder if there's a parable here about attitudes toward Muslims, homosexuals, "illegal immigrants", or other groups and the need for open-mindedness and relationships.

Unfortunately, as Mr. Dimitrov demonstrated, having one's theoretical beliefs debunked does not guarantee future rational behavior.

Most pumpkins are in fact Cucurbita pepo. as are all zucchini.

They are all berries to me.

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