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April 25, 2007

Chuck Norris blames "secular progressive agenda" for Va-Tech massacre

Chuck Norris Bubble Bath, originally uploaded by amykins1111.

Specifically, the baton of the secular progressive agenda...


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Chuck Norris writes in that essay that we need to teach the Bible to prevent school shootings.

But Cho Seung-Hui was taught about Christianity and interpreted in a sick way.

Norris' essay links to a webpage which starts out discussing a violent movie which Cho may have seen, but goes on to say:
The package reportedly contained 23 video clips, 43 still photographs and one audio clip. A portion of one video had Cho comparing himself to Jesus Christ.

"You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul and torched my conscience. You thought it was one pathetic boy's life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I died, like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless people."

I'm not convinced based on the Worldnet Daily article about the violent movie "Oldboy" that Cho Seung-Hui ever saw it.

His photos and the movie stills are only vaguely similar. Cho could have posed more like the stills if that was his intention, or referred to the movie or its characters by name if he wanted to make a reference.

It's possible he saw the movie, but the article doesn't prove it.

"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."

-Facts about Chuck Norris

In related news, Rush is saying Cho was a liberal because he "railed against the rich." While I don't mind in general the idea of making fun of people like John Edwards, there are occasions on which it's entirely inappropriate.

So far the list of suspects stands at:
(1) Women who wouldn't put out for a creepy stranger
(2) Liberal English Professors
(3) Feminist emasculation of the American male
(4) Muslims

I'm sure I'm leaving something out, but those seem to be the high points.

Wow, Chuck Norris said this on World Nut Daily?

Color me impressed ... I think that WND exists only so The Washington Times won't look completely stupid.

And Chuck Norris?


A fifth rate actor with a penchant for martial arts and guns and a notable lack of military service.

Compensating for that lack of height much Chuck?

Chuck did serve in the Air Force from 1958-1962. He served in Korea where he began his martial arts study.

"A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris."

-Facts about Chuck Norris

Maybe Chuck should stick to making shitty action movies. Oh, that's right; even shitty action-flick directors don't want his dessicated ass in them anymore. I guess that means that Chuck needs to help himself to a nice big cup of shut the fuck up.

Run along, Chuckles. Why don't you play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?

I guess it never occurs to these wingnuts that the shooter was just a deeply disturbed man instead of trying to look for some societal cause for the rampage.

What cracks me up is that conservatives vigorously denounced it when the legal counsel for LIRR gunman Colin Ferguson raised the black rage defense. "It's all about blaming whitey for his own problems and failures in life" they would say, but they find no irony in blaming Cho's shooting rampage on liberalism. Go figure.

More "Facts about Chuck Norris"


"Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."

I haven't seen Late Nite recently. Does Conan still play Walker clips?

Chuck Norris has clearly taken one too many blows to the head.

Perhaps Dr. Bennet Omalu will be interested.

Walker...Texas Ranger.


Action Pants! No, seriously. Action Pants!

Chuck Norris promotes the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools, a fundamentalist Bible Study organisation that is getting into a lot of American schools. His endorsement sits alongside those from a number of cranks and pseudo-scholars.

Mr. Norris still owes me 107 minutes of my life back for "Invasion USA".

Though I did love the spectacle of Chuck accompanying Bush Sr. on the ’92 presidential campaign to burnish the old man’s “bad hombre” image.

Texas Ranger and two Texas Twits.

Its not that likely that bible study would help either...when it really is helping it is the people you study with and not so much what you study. Conservatives, liberals and neo-nazis all study the bible and they respectively remain conservatives, liberals and neo-nazis...they seldom change therefor the interpretations of what they read must have been changed to suit each view of the world.

Who beside the Pandagon and Majickthise readers pay any attention whatsoever to this pap from Noris? Does he have a church or any following at all?

Its all atheists' fault. I should just put myself in an atheist concentration camp and everything would be all better.

For those looking for a graphical depiction of that ideal time Chuck is thinking about, see:>

I think there is a rule about how relevant a "celebrity" has to be to make political comments. Clearly, Chuck would not meet the criteria. (I am anticipating a roundhouse kick at any time now!)

More Facts about Chuck Norris:

"Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away."

"Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths."

"Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday."

And finally, my personal favorite:

"Chuck Norris once fell into a lake. Chuck Norris did not get wet, the lake got Chuck Norrised!"

"I think there is a rule about how relevant a "celebrity" has to be to make political comments"

How about never, and I'd also include dolts who don't know how to think into that category, which would include most the commentors here.

-"I think there is a rule about how relevant a "celebrity" has to be to make political comments"

How about never, and I'd also include dolts who don't know how to think into that category, which would include most the commentors here.-

Wow, irratible architect (I will call you Art Van De Leigh!) according to you then, not many people should be allowed to make political comments. much for that whole "free speech" thing. Maybe all of us dolts should just leave the political commentary to geniuses like yourself.

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