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January 02, 2009

Illinois Sen appointee's giant stone CV/mausoleum

Burrisgrave, originally uploaded by jaysondak.

Wow. Roland Burris, the man who will probably replace Obama as the junior senator from Illinois, has been constructing a monument to himself in Chicago's Oak Lawn Cemetery. (Shown here.)

Burris pencils in his achievements on the tombstones.

This looks like a two-grave installation. I wonder if his wife's achievements get etched in as well, or whether being married to Burris is considered honor enough. Commenter John points out below that Mrs. Burris's educational achievements are listed.


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It's hard to tell whether the inscription on the right wall is about Roland or about Berlean, but I'm guessing it is about Roland since it (apparently) says "Other Major Accomplishments." Berlean's educational degrees are listed, but not much else that I can see.

Ozymandias, anyone?

I am no fan of ostentatious memorials.

If your memory is so inspiring, then your devotees will take care of the monuments. Besides, you'll be dead, well past the point of caring.

In the meantime, please spend the cash on something a bit more useful. If you're stuck for ideas, then cut a check to the local soup kitchen.

Here endeth the rant.

Hope the grave is big enough to accommodate his swollen head.

Ozymandias indeed. Here’s a big picture of Burris’ permanent address. A bit odd I think to put your resume on your tombstone, seeing as how the Almighty presumably already has a copy when you go to meet him at the pearly gates. But then I’m not going to presume to criticize other’s funerary practices. Personally, when the time comes, I’d just as soon have my family save the undertaker’s fee and drag my dissipated corpse out into the street for the dogs to eat.

If you’re ever in Oakland, CA and you’ve got some time to burn, for God’s sake do yourself a favor and visit the Mountain View Cemetery. Designed by Frederick Law Olmstead who was evidently channeling Edward Gorey at the time. It features some seriously ostentatious mausoleums along “millionaires row,” where a veritable Who’s Who of historical California poo-bahs and big shots are reserved eternal and very spectacular views of San Francisco Bay. Be sure to visit the weirdly serene, rabbit warren-like columbarium, where death seems quite attractive.

Funny, Burris doesn't list his most prominent prosecution from his tenure as Illinois attorney general, pushing for the execution of Rolando Cruz, who was convicted of murder but later exonerated by DNA evidence. The deputy attorney general assigned to the case eventually resigned rather than continue to prosecute Cruz but Burris, who was running for governor at the time, continued to press for the death penalty.

I guess trying to execute someone even when there's evidence of prosecutorial misconduct in his trial isn't considered "corruption," because I keep reading that there's no evidence that Burris is corrupt.

Not only is this weird, but the guy's got no taste.

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Looks like a good place to wait for the bus.

Maybe it should be called RES GESTAE DIVI BURRIS? (I realize he's not actually claiming divine status, but still.)

And yes, the Rolando Cruz case is a smudge on his escutcheon (or something like that).

When we consider the era of Roland Burris' rise in politics he is a trail balzer. He taught young black politicians it is OK to spend someone elses money to achieve political influence and power, work within the polical structure, listen to all sides, and be willing to eat your own. Look at Congress, and Illinois now, not just the blacks learned lessons from Mr. Burris.

And now, your Roland Burris update:

Speaking this morning at a Martin Luther King Jr. breakfast, the state’s new junior U.S. senator, Roland Burris said that without Burris’ own trailblazing, Barack Obama never would have been elected president.

“If there was no Martin Luther King Jr. and no Roland Burris, there would be no Barack Obama in the White House today,” Burris said to cheers at a Rainbow PUSH Coalition breakfast in Chicago. “We must recognize, friends, that we all stand on each other’s shoulders.”

I'm not sure how a bunch of people can stand on each other's shoulders, but it does make me wonder if Burris' tomb is really grand enough. How are future visitors to know this was the man who made possible the first African-American President?


They should build one ten times as big, and include it in the stimulus package.

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